I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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