I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
