I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
