the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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