i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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