Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
