I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
