she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
where are you?
Hypothermia
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
