Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize