Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
