He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
