I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
