i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
