how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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