My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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