I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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