I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
