Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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