and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize