I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
