I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
