Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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