He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
