i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
