so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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