I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
