I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
