new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
