Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
