that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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