how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
