Tell her she can't have a vagina
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
