Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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