either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We need to get me chipped asap
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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