You're my little dorito
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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