Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
