Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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