can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize