I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
