remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
