ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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