Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
