fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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