I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ate ashes out of my bong
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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