She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize