I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
