just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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