I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
