how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
