i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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