omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
