I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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