so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
