toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
