THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
