dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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