a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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