I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
