how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
