I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
