There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
