you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
