hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
