I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
