What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
