I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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