my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
