I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
