Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This is my gift to your gina
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
