The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize