And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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