Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ruined the universe
Randomize