She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
