Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
