you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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