Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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